Hello,
After last week's HUGE ask anyone day we're having a break from questions today (well an official break, I can't really stop you from asking anything)... and I invite you to submit a joke. I realise asking for a joke on the spot is quite a big ask, but I'm guessing at the least Nick will submit a joke - he's always good for a joke.
Anyway today is a great morning! It's not so cold anymore. And we might even get sun. And I've got a new program at the gym and it was fun. And I ate porridge and it was yummy.
I can't help but think, I'm not as interesting or introspective now that I'm a lot more positive about life. Maybe my blog would be more interesting if I had issues that were constantly bothering me. At the moment the only thing that pisses me off terribly is stupid driving. I was going at least 55km/h in a 50 zone the other week and some idiot overtook me! This was just driving to work. Grrr.
Darren and I are having an ab competition. I have no idea how this will be judged but I'm pretty sure I'll win. I think we're judging at the end of the year so I'll let you know how I go. We also had a bet that I could do the splits by the end of the year, but I've decided I don't really want to do the splits anymore, so I think I'll lose that one. Oh well, can't win them all!
:-) M
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19 comments:
Yo so tall the giraffes are attracted to you.
Yo so tall you can pac Shaq... when he's on an airplane.
Yo so tall you look like a lollipop with the sun up on yo head.
Yo so tall people ask you for the daily forecast
Yo so tall people climb you as a challenge.
What did the fish say when it swum into a concrete wall?
Dam!
What did the grape say when the foot stepped on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony check and took him down to the station. While the officers were distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the desk and swallowed it.
No problem: the police waited five or six hours and then charged the guy with passing a bad check...twice.
That is not as good as the fish joke
What is the best fish on ice?
A skate.
Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank.
What happened to the fishing boat that sank in piranha fish infested waters?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
Mother: Have you given the goldfish fresh water today?
Son: No, they haven't finished the water I gave them yesterday.
What fish terrorises other fish?
Jack the Kipper
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather
What should you do if you find a shark in your bed?
Sleep somewhere else.
pretty lame mindy
Oh well at least I tried :-(
why can't a lesbian go on weightwatchers when she is wearing natural glow?
Because you cant' eat Jenny Craig while Susan Paul is on your face.
Well since we're lowering the tone:
Josiah owned the most unflappable horse in the Midwest and, deciding to make some money off him, brought the stallion to the county fair. There he offered five hundred dollars to anyone who could make the animal laugh. Person after person came up to the horse, paying Josiah five dollars for every minute they spent with the animal. Most stood in front of the animal and made flinny faces, some did tricks, a few even told jokes, but the horse didn't crack a smile. By the end of the day Josiah had made five hundred dollars and was looking forward to reaping a small fortune. Just before closing time, a dwarfish little man came up. He handed Josiah a five-dollar bill, climbed on a stool, cupped his hand to the animal's ear, and whispered something; at once, the animal broke into a fit of mirthful neighing and whinnying. Shocked, Josiah handed over the five hundred dollars he had made and resolved to change his tactics.
The next day Josiah decided to offer five hundred dollars to anyone who could make his horse cry. Person after person tried and by day's end, Josiah had recouped the money he had lost. Just then the same dwarfish man showed up. Taking his money, Josiah watched as the little fellow stood in front of the horse and dropped his pants. At once the horse began to weep uncon- trollably. Hitching up his pants, the short man collected his money and started away. Bursting with curiosity, Josiah called after him.
"Wait a minute, ya puny thing, I gotta know. What made my horse act like that?"
"Simple," said the dwarfish man. "Yesterday, I told him my penis was bigger than this. Today," he shrugged, "I showed him."
Well I can't argue with that. The worst joke I ever heard was your washing machine one Nick. Ewww!
Laurel and Loren were an extremely liberal, though not especially bright, white couple. Wanting to begin a family, they decided they wanted to have a black baby, and set to work. Nine months later, the fruits of their labour was born: a lovely white girl. Pleased but disappointed, Loren decided to ask a black man at work why they hadn't parented a black baby. Realizing that Loren was somewhat sluggish, the fellow took him aside and asked, "Is your penis at least a foot long?" Loren had to admit that it was not. "And is it at least four inches wide?" Once more Loren replied in the negative. "Well, man, there's your problem!" the chap slapped him on the back. "You let in too much light!"
can I hear the washing machine one please? So far they have been pure gold.
Haha I bet Nick can't even remember it! And I'm certainly not going to say... mostly because I can't remember it fully ;-)
please! I need it!
Oh it's probably been hyped up too much now. It's not extremely rude or dirty or anything, I just had a particular aversion to it.
oh
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